flaw

You don't know how hard it is}

Saturday, June 14, 2014 | 1:33 pm | 1 comment

Hey guys.

It's Saturday today so that means I'll be going back to school tomorrow. But I don't want to. Sigh. I just wish I could be home schooled. I don't want to go back to that boarding school. Everything about it just seems so wrong, somehow. The 'friends' and all. I just can't handle myself well there. There's no music to calm me down. No Tumblr. and twitter and phone and yeah. No stalking my idols. Living there just feels so lonely. It always stresses me out. Tbh, the teachers there and kinda.... well, yeah. Everything there feels so complicated, so lonely, so boring.

I mean, don't get me wrong. The Quran does calm me down but still... there are sometimes that I just need entertainment. I mean, this is not the 70's. Kids now are different. And believe it or not, school is much more stressful and hard. I wanna go home everyday and get on my phone and do homework and sleep on my own bed. I don't want boarding school anymore.

But my mom won't allow me to switch schools. She told me to stay there. She told me to not run from my problems and stay calm. But it's so hard. No matter how much I try to like this school. I just can't. I get anxiety attacks the second I see that school. Let alone being there. I get anxiety attacks everyday. It always makes me worry. When I wake up late, when I don't finish my homework, when I-- actually everytime. The punishments of not doing something, even though you forgot, for me is too much. Too mentally painful. Especially when I just got through Anxiety Disorders. I'm afraid that if I go back to school tomorrow. Everything is going to come back. The pain, the scars, the loneliness. Everything. I sometimes get the urge to just throw myself off the building when I'm there. It gets me so suicidal. It makes me worry. It's never safe for me there. But nobody seems to get it. Everybody thinks that this is something that I'll get through. I tried. I really did. But I can't. I tried to hide everything and only let it out on certain people that I trust. I'm sorry but this is just too much.

Idek what to do.... I certainly don't wanna go back again. Wish me luck guys. I'm tryna persuade my mom to let me switch schools.

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You don't know me so don't judge.

If you ain't talkin dreams, I ain't talkin.

You don't know how hard it is}

Saturday, June 14, 2014 | 1:33 pm | 1Comment

Hey guys.

It's Saturday today so that means I'll be going back to school tomorrow. But I don't want to. Sigh. I just wish I could be home schooled. I don't want to go back to that boarding school. Everything about it just seems so wrong, somehow. The 'friends' and all. I just can't handle myself well there. There's no music to calm me down. No Tumblr. and twitter and phone and yeah. No stalking my idols. Living there just feels so lonely. It always stresses me out. Tbh, the teachers there and kinda.... well, yeah. Everything there feels so complicated, so lonely, so boring.

I mean, don't get me wrong. The Quran does calm me down but still... there are sometimes that I just need entertainment. I mean, this is not the 70's. Kids now are different. And believe it or not, school is much more stressful and hard. I wanna go home everyday and get on my phone and do homework and sleep on my own bed. I don't want boarding school anymore.

But my mom won't allow me to switch schools. She told me to stay there. She told me to not run from my problems and stay calm. But it's so hard. No matter how much I try to like this school. I just can't. I get anxiety attacks the second I see that school. Let alone being there. I get anxiety attacks everyday. It always makes me worry. When I wake up late, when I don't finish my homework, when I-- actually everytime. The punishments of not doing something, even though you forgot, for me is too much. Too mentally painful. Especially when I just got through Anxiety Disorders. I'm afraid that if I go back to school tomorrow. Everything is going to come back. The pain, the scars, the loneliness. Everything. I sometimes get the urge to just throw myself off the building when I'm there. It gets me so suicidal. It makes me worry. It's never safe for me there. But nobody seems to get it. Everybody thinks that this is something that I'll get through. I tried. I really did. But I can't. I tried to hide everything and only let it out on certain people that I trust. I'm sorry but this is just too much.

Idek what to do.... I certainly don't wanna go back again. Wish me luck guys. I'm tryna persuade my mom to let me switch schools.

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